How Turning Within Can Reveal Your Full Potential

 

With everyone’s schedule these days always full to the brim and sometimes almost no time for hobbies, going to a quiet place and turning within always falls to the bottom of the to-do list. But unbeknownst to all, amazing things can come up by spending time with yourself and understanding your inner energies. Rebecca Victor delves into the rewards of this practice, from having the proper discernment to react to all kinds of messages, and the ability to be compassionate at every level, to achieving awareness with the present. She also shares the most advisable ways to approach this side of life where silence reigns, from doing different kinds of meditation to keeping a daily journal.

Listen to the podcast here:

How Turning Within Can Reveal Your Full Potential

We’re going to be talking about this idea of turning within, that first process of what it means to turn within and why we would even want to do that. For me, one of the precursors I’m going to share with you that you’re going to read on my show is that you’ll read me often referencing myself with the word I. In my personal journey, one of the skillsets that I learned in therapy and in group work was how important it was for me to use the word I versus you.

I was told, which I agree with, was that when I use the word, I, I own what it is that I’m saying. When I own what it is that I’m saying, then I have power. I have the power to decide if I want to maintain that idea that I’ve shared using the word I, or I want to change it. There’s power in using the word I. As I speak about a lot of the different topics that I’ll be sharing with you, you’ll hear me speak to I not because I’m not interested in hearing you or learning about you as you hear this and maybe respond to me and you add comments. I’m very interested in learning from you and about you, but what it is my intention to do is to make sure that I respect the fact that my story is not yours and that when I speak my story, I’m well aware that it is my story and that you have your own. You have your own marvelous, incredible, unique story.

The greatest honor that I can give you in this time with this one-sided conversation at this point, until I get your responses, is that I’m recognizing, that as I speak to you, you’re paying attention to your own journey and story. The sole purpose of this time together isn’t so much for you to go, “I agree with everything that Rebecca’s saying.” I hope not, unless you take it in and it’s something that serves you. This is about hoping that whatever is shared starts to spark ideas in you, spark concepts for you that may assist you in looking at an idea differently, or discovering a new way of doing something for yourself, or affirming an experience or an idea or a feeling that you might be having.

When you use your words, you must own everything that you say. Click To Tweet

It is you in your own driver’s seat that this is about. It is okay that in the process of sharing as I use the word I, and share my story fully conscious, that as you read, you have your own, and you’re playing with these ideas for you, which is my hope. That is okay if it serves you, great. If it doesn’t, great. What’s cool is that it is a choice that you get to make for you, in service to you, to your growth and your expansion, if that is what you wish. I know it’s what I wish, and that’s why I share it.

We’re going to be talking about this idea of turning within. Why would anybody want to turn within? We think that we do turn within. Turning within isn’t necessarily the awareness of how we’re feeling about something. There are some of us that aren’t because we are focused externally on everything, observing everything, but not necessarily keyed into how we’re feeling about it, because we haven’t been encouraged to do that, or maybe it hasn’t been safe to do that when we were growing up. We learned a method or a way of engaging that might have served us when we were small but doesn’t serve us now as an adult.

Turning within allows us to move beyond the idea that we have to maintain our focus on what’s happening out there. We have to respond to everything that’s going on out there, exactly to how we been told to respond to it. We find ourselves getting frustrated because we don’t want to respond to that way, and it’s not how we agree with it. We’re not quite sure, so it’s all about reacting. Turning within enables not so much a reaction, but a recognition of what’s being triggered and then creating space within you to discern how it is that you choose to respond.

Turning within is the process of allowing ourselves to creating a space, creating an awareness and openness to the idea that there’s something more for us. There’s another way of seeing, experiencing, and engaging in life that allows us to be conscious and aware of our ideas and thoughts and move into a level of understanding. If not understanding, compassion, respect, so that we can act versus react. Turning within not only creates that space and opportunity for us to move beyond a simple, reactive response to life, it allows us to become aware that there’s something more about us.

Behind The Wheel

In that process, at least with my journey and then those who I have talked to in this turning within and getting quiet, becoming aware, noting there’s a sense of an expansiveness and an openness. That is more than often the idea of what it is to be limited by that situation we’re finding ourselves in. I’m trying to think of an example that might illustrate what I’m talking about. I’ll give you a good one. This is when I work on every day, especially when I’m behind the wheel of a car. I don’t know how many of you individuals can be nasty behind a car, but I can. I can get frustrated and it was like, “Come on. We need to go. Can you make it through that line so I can get there?” It was like, “Wow, girl.” Let’s say somebody’s doing an action and I feel frustrated by it. I’m not even cognizant of why I’m feeling frustrated by it. I’m just feeling frustrated by it, and then I’m like, “How is this serving you or the person who’s in front of you? What are you doing here, Becky?” That’s my nickname. I thought, “What can I do?”

Something’s happening that I feel this urge that I want to ride my car right up to this person’s rear end. It’s got nothing to do with the person going slow. It’s got everything to do with whatever it is that’s connecting with me about this experience. The first thing I have to do is to be kind and compassionate to myself because something is being triggered. Something is going on. It’s a pattern that I’ve developed. I remember very easily watching the adults in my life do a very similar pattern, so I learned it very young. My journey is to let go of that learning and create a new way of engaging in that driving experience.

 

When I stopped, I stopped judging and I got quiet. I was like, “How can I care for myself in this moment?” The next thing I knew, all of a sudden, I was in a space that I experienced myself as something more than this woman who was wanting to irrationally ram her car right at that person’s back because they weren’t running fast enough. I became aware of myself as being more. I didn’t judge what I had felt and what I wanted to do. I became aware. I loved her. There was some reason that she had that she felt she needed to take this action. I was like, “Let me pause.” When I did that, I got quieter. In that moment, I didn’t even need to have a reason or an answer for that, but there was a quietness because it’s I got off my own back. I backed up and let that car go. I let go of the thoughts that were ruminating in my mind and thought, “I don’t need to follow them.” I created space. In that creating of space, I made different decisions. I didn’t respond out of whatever was coming out of that.

A Compassionate Space

Turning within and why I do it is it creates a space that allows me to make a different choice and to see life differently. When that happens and I pause and turn within and open and create a more compassionate space for myself, a space of caring, I begin to feel more expansive and brighter. I feel more at peace. I feel good. That’s why I share this with you. When we as people engage, there’s so much going on in our lives that sometimes it’s hard to draw the line on it all. We get exhausted, and we’re tired. We may be responding to things and not even aware of the fact that we’re not even in control in that moment. We’re responding and reacting.

Creating the space and being willing to be a compassionate witness are important in this journey. We are worth our kindness and our personal caring. That’s a key in turning within. If you’re like me and you’re a person who judges yourself harshly, number one, for most of us, it’s a habit we’ve learned. If it’s a habit we’ve been taught, observed, and picked up, so we’ve worked with that. We’ve massaged, played, and worked with it. At times, it might’ve served us. It is okay to let it go and embrace a new way of engaging with ourselves. Open ourselves up to the possibility of, “What if we were self-caring?”

By quieting yourself, focusing on a single idea is easier and can be done much deeper. Click To Tweet

What I have found, and this is why I do this, is that it introduces me to myself in a new way. It opens me up to the experience of myself as somebody different. Somebody different than a woman who is so frustrated and aggravated that she wouldn’t think twice running her rear, that she wants to push this car in front of her with the front of her car. She wants to make a connection. I’m telling you, my sons, people who know me, are aware of this.

When I turn within, I do so because it allows me to get to know myself in a new way and to discover that there is a lot about me that I don’t know, at least consciously. I know how I’m going to respond to this or to that, or how I might react, but who am I? When I create that space to turn within, and I honor the fact that I’m doing so with compassion, it’s like being a little kid, opening up the door and expecting something neat on the other side, but you’re not quite sure. You’re open and curious. You are like, “That’s cool.” That’s what it feels like. It’s like the discovery of something, and you are like, “Wow.”

That’s why I turn within. That’s why I want to teach and share this. That’s why I want to encourage all of us to get to know ourselves, to learn, appreciate and value the beauty, wonder and magnificence that we are because we are. The only way we’re going to get to know that is to take the time to find out. How do we do it? Here are some processes. Remember that you don’t have to do all of them. You can pick one. You can pick something different. You can go to a whole different direction, but I’m going to introduce you to some possibilities.

Becoming Aware

The first one is simply being quiet, becoming aware, noticing. That can be hard because somebody said, “How do you do that?” I remember somebody giving me the idea of, “If you’ve ever looked at a river, when you’re watching the water go by and staring, a thought is like a leaf. Imagine a leaf going down and you’re looking at the leaf. You become aware of the leaf. You can focus your attention all the way down until that leaf disappears as it goes by you, or you can continue staring at the water and you notice as the leaf goes by, but your focus is on the water.” It doesn’t mean that you’re pretending the leaves aren’t there like your thoughts aren’t there. You notice them, and then you turn your attention back to the thing that you’re enjoying.

I am not necessarily a sit-down, quiet meditator. I can do it. I’ve practiced this for about 25 years. I can do that meditation, but I’m not a gifted meditator. There are many people who are truly good at it. When they do it, they’re not only honoring themselves, but they’re honoring and offering it to the rest of us. I appreciate that. I can remember my spiritual teacher saying, “It’s okay if you can’t sit and meditate. There are other ways that you can quiet the mind.” It could be quieting the mind. I remember one time I did a quiet walk around the block, and I used to walk my dog. At this point, I couldn’t walk my dog because he was beginning to irritate me because I wanted to do this and I couldn’t and I had to stop. It sounds like it was all his fault. I needed to send him home, and it wasn’t all his fault. It was that I couldn’t manage my thoughts as he’s tugging along.

 

I dropped him off at the house, and I went on a walk by myself. I remember mindfully observing my footsteps. All of a sudden, as I was mindfully observing my footsteps, I don’t even know how to describe it, but I was gone. I didn’t know I was gone until I came back. All of a sudden, things came back into focus. I was like, “Where did I go?” That was an experience of meditating for me. It was interesting because when I came back, there was a quietness, but I didn’t necessarily have any a-ha’s or any big awareness. It felt interesting. It was quieter. A way that I often meditate is I’ll mow the lawn, I can do my dishes, or I’ll do yoga and I’ll get quiet because my body likes to move. I’ll honor my body, and I’ll do my meditation as I’m honoring my body. It’s the quieting of my mind.

In the quieting of the mind is I’m focused on an idea, or not even an idea, on one thing. I’m focused on something. I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s a quieting. That’s one way. Another way is for me is when I journal. I like to write and so I will write. Sometimes I’ll write and the next thing I know, I stopped writing. I only know I stopped writing is because I’d come back and I’m like, “I stopped writing.” It was quiet for me. I’ve had another opportunity where in journaling, there was that focus in the journaling process. I don’t want to call it a deepening, but it was expanding. The awareness was including more and more subtlety. It was like, “There’s so much that I don’t know.” It’s a marvel.

There was this opportunity to do contemplative reading. That’s another pathway. I remember reading and there was a passage that struck me. It was a line, and I felt it in my heart. I was with that passage. Being with that passage, all of a sudden, that awareness opened up a feeling or a sense and an experience of joy and happiness. I’m not talking about joy where I’m skipping down the street. It’s joy. That’s helpful, isn’t it?

This idea of turning within and experiencing the more that there is of who we are and the more that there is of the life that we’re part of is amazing. People find other ways. Meditation is one, contemplative reading, journaling, movement, dance. You’ll find people that they say, “I disappear.” People who are creatives might paint, or they’re creating a song, and all of a sudden, in the act of what they’re doing is the awareness of something more, the awareness of in the moment of something more. I wish I had better words. Maybe for those of you who have this experience or know it would like to share right in the comments. I would love it because it introduces new ways to experience this something that so much more. I get to witness it through you, through your eyes and your experiences.

Meditation is not only about honoring oneself but also honoring and offering it to everyone else. Click To Tweet

Turning Within

That’s a way that we can turn within. A way that we can turn within also requires us to be willing to create that space, to take the time, and to be by ourselves. Maybe it’s walking in the woods. For me, that was one of the first ways that I could meditate or get quiet and become aware was in the woods. I always have felt energized when I walk in the woods. There’s something about being among trees that is cool for me. I walk out of the woods and feel more open with a freedom within me that shifted from one of contraction to one of openness and expansion. That was about the two words that I can use right now.

When you’re thinking about this idea of turning within in to order live from the inside out, that’s what happens when we turn within. In that awareness then, we can take what we’re experiencing and what we’re beginning to conceive and become aware of. We can apply it in our outer world. It’s like when I told you about driving the car. I’m not real proud of that, but it is what it is. I’m not going to BS about it, either. That is an area in my life of learning.

When I took the time to pause and be kind to myself as that was going on, it created that awareness in me so that all of a sudden, rather than wanting to ram my car right up the rear end of the person in front of me because they were going so slow or whatever, I was like, “It’s all right. I know you want to get there fast. I don’t know what it’s about. Maybe I’ll never know, but it’s okay. It’s okay that I’m feeling this way. I’m not a terrible, horrible person because I feel this way.” The next thing I know, there was an awareness that I was at choice on how I wanted to behave. “What did I want to do? I didn’t want to ram my car right up on this person’s rear end. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to feel peaceful as I was driving.” All of a sudden, it was like, “I could make that choice.”

Rather than reacting, I couldn’t respond. I liked it. I will be the first to tell you that as much as I liked it and it’s worked on numerous occasions, it doesn’t work all the time because I don’t let it work. Sometimes I want to get in there and I want to be right instead of being happy. I want my point to get across that you’re not moving fast enough. Instead of saying, “It’s okay, Becky,” instead of relaxing and letting it be okay. You’re going to be okay. It was that first thing of, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” I chose happy, but that doesn’t mean I always choose happy.

As a matter of fact, when I first heard that statement, I can remember going, “How can you ever be happy and be wrong.” I couldn’t compute it. I tossed the statement aside because I was like, “I’m not going there because I have no idea what that means.” Through time, there was a realization that, “Is this worth disrupting my relationship with myself and the things I value about myself in order to prove something?” Maybe it is. If it is, then it’s being compassionate with myself again. In the compassion, it’s also honoring the fact that there are causes and effects for me to have to address if that’s what I do. Either way, but I can choose how I want to address it.

I hope this has helped give you a little idea of the fact that when we turn within, first and foremost, what we have to be is compassionate and kind to ourselves. That can be difficult if we’ve not practiced it, but if you’re willing to stick with it and practice it, it does work. I never knew how to be nice to myself. I was so hard on myself that if I were a car, I would have run me over several times. That’s how that’s mean I was at myself at times. I was so grateful that even in that space, I could learn to be nice to me. I could learn to teach myself to be kind and to care for myself. It was a little at a time, one step.

Slowing down in life can help reveal the wonders within ourselves. Click To Tweet

What was cool about the one step at a time instead of all at once was that I got to enjoy the fruits of that one step. It’s like you drive around the neighborhood in your car, and you can see your neighborhood. You decide, “I’m going to ride around the neighborhood on my bike.” You ride around that same neighborhood in your bike, and you start seeing things that you never saw when you were riding in a car because you were moving too fast. You were focused on whatever you could see in that moment. When you’re on your bike, you’re slower and you’re able to see more. What happens when I decide to walk my neighborhood? You walk the neighborhood. We walk the neighborhood and what happens? We get to see even more. We get to experience the wonders that are present even when we are walking. It’s the same thing, but we get to see it at a different depth and level.

As we’re turning within and we’re learning these things about ourselves, some of us are better at than others. That’s okay. We get to learn from each other. What we get to do is we get to experience not only the wonders of life, but the wonders of ourselves, because we’re slowing down to see the beauty. That’s the gift of turning within. That beauty then and seeing from that place, life takes on a different hue. Possibilities exist that didn’t exist before. It simply is awesome. Thank you again. We’re at the end, and it has been a joy being with you, whether you’re driving, cleaning the house, or engaging in some activity, thanks for being here with me. Take good care of yourself and remember, here’s to you.