Finding Your Purpose Within With Daria Dillard Stone

 

Without knowing your purpose, life seems empty. There is always that lingering feeling that something is missing. For Daria Dillard Stone, that feeling of being lost led to a suicide attempt when she tried to search within her and found nothing. On today’s podcast, Daria joins Rebecca Victor in an intimate conversation about her search for her life’s purpose. From a rocky divorce to her failed suicide attempt, Daria discloses how her search finally ended when she found God and learned to accept herself. Are you struggling to discover your purpose? Find enlightenment and inspiration in this episode. 

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Listen to the podcast here:

Finding Your Purpose Within With Daria Dillard Stone  

I have an opportunity to spend some time with a wonderful woman and a good friend who I’ve enjoyed being in her presence. It’s a joy to be in her presence. I was so grateful that she would be willing to come and share her story, what it’s been like for her and her journey to discover as she turns inward who she is and the source of life for her. I’d like to introduce you to Daria Dillard Stone. Daria has been a mentor and is a mentor, a minister, a parent advocate consultant, a family development specialist and a parent engagement liaison. Daria engages, encourages and empowers others to be champions of courage and positive change. She is the recipient of many awards, including the Women of Influence by the Young Women Christian Association, known as the YWCA and the Golden Globe Community Service Award by the Dayton Alumnae Chapter of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. 

Daria is also an internationally known motivational speaker. She’s an award-winning author of the book, SUCCESS Powered by Relationships and has coauthored two additional award-winning books, The 40/40 Rules – Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40 Vol. II and The CEO Playbook 1.0, The #1 Playbook To Transform Your Business Into An Empire and An Entrepreneur Into A CEO. Daria is also a team director of the Transform International Leadership Team/Mastermind Group. Daria, I’d like to welcome you. Thank you for coming to be with us. I look forward to learning about you and your journey. 

Thank you so much, Becky. It is an honor to be here. As I was listening to you about what has transpired in my life, I’m sitting here in awe still at what God had to bring me through and how it all started from the time I knew that whatever I needed to do, the tools were inside me. I had to get them though. If you don’t remember anything else after we have this wonderful interview on this awesome show with Rebecca Victor, remember Daria as a servant. I am the servant. Titles, positions, I thank you for those. Those are nice but if you don’t remember anything else about me, remember that I’m the servant. 

Thank you for sharing your name. I have known Daria and didn’t realize I was saying her name wrong. Thank you for letting me know that, Daria. How and when did you get started on this inward journey for you? 

There’s no date or time that I can remember or to see where I can remember it was raining or snowing. I realized when I got married at such a young age, I was eighteen when I married my first husband. By the age of twenty, I had a house, a husband and two kids. As times got rough in that marriage, I realized as I looked at my children, if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. I can’t. There was never an option for me to quit on me. The times that I did quit on me, that’s when I felt the Lord leading and guiding me saying, “Quitting is not an option. When you get to the end of you then lean more on me and your weakness now becomes my strength.“ It started after the divorce. I was divorced in October 1974. It was me and a 3– and a 4-year–old. I looked at them. 

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I went inside myself and found nothing. I had tools. I had been strong. I had been one of the voted most popular in my high school class because I love being around people, helping people. I’m competitive, a perfectionist to a fault but when that day, when that paper, when the judge said, “No more. This is it,” I’m empty. I am not ashamed to your reading audience. I tried to commit suicide because I was empty. I did try to go within. I did try to remember all the Sunday school lessons, the teachings, the love, the nurturing that my parents, my grandparents, my teachers gave me. I was empty. It only takes a moment for you to feel that lost feeling. It doesn’t have to last, an hour even but at that moment, I was empty. There was no reason for me in my mind, at that time, to go on. Not realizing as scary and shameful as I was after I came to. I was in the hospital a couple of days, stay with my grandmother a week and realized, “It didn’t work. I’m still here.“ I cried profusely to my grandmother. I’m like, “I don’t have anything else in me. Everybody is going to talk about me. What are my kids going to say?“ 

The enemy was determined to pile up so much on me that I would shut the door on my life, my journey. Shut the door now. Even though I live, I will never live up to my potential and my purpose. When I tell people today, as I embark upon the age, the ripe young age of 70, I know what down looks like. I know what going inside and not finding anything looks like. I had no option but to fight to go back. I had to bounce back and go forth. I had to. I didn’t want to. I was scared. I was afraid. I felt inadequate. I felt all at once but it was two little girls looking at me and saying, “Mama, what’s next?” They didn’t say that verbatim but I was their what’s next so I can go on. 

I’m writing for the first time my own book about this journey. I always thought, Becky that I would be ashamed to talk about me committing suicide. I’d always thought that I tried to leave Dayton. It was a shameful thing. In that era, it would have been. It was. Whoever knew but God had a layer of protection even in that situation that was amazing. The choir director happened to be the first nurse that I saw when they got me to the hospital. The EMT driver was someone I had went to school with. They said, “We’re going to protect your reputation and everything.“ It was a miracle because of those people in those places at that time. I remember thinking that was a dream but it was people telling me, “You got to come back. There are two little girls waiting for you.“ They started naming the lives that I had touched even at the age of 24, thinking that life was over. That’s one segment of looking within but I want it to be transparent and say, “I looked within the first time I can remember very well and found nothing.” 

In finding nothing, what made you want to search more? 

It was the fact that my two daughters deserve the best. They had nothing to do with the divorce. They had nothing to do with me not thinking I could go on without their father. They deserve the best Daria, the best mommy, the best mars. All of them have a different name for me. They deserve the best that I could give them. I realized I was not giving them the best because I was raised, reared and educated, academics as well as through the word of God, I knew that I had gotten to where academics is not going to help me. Being good at this, being good at that, that is not going to help me. I had to go find the resources, the reservoir and it was in people that I knew. If nobody else, could at least help me get through today, at least they would have a word, they would have a story and they would have a hug. They wouldn’t do something that would spark me enough, Becky. 

 

All I was trying to do is get through each day. I went to people that always made me feel comfortable and always said a kind word and never judged me. That was in my parents, my grandparents, my teachers, my Sunday school teachers at church and even my girlfriends. I had girlfriends that had known me since second grade, one in particular. People that know you’re good, bad and ugly but still love you, that part. I had three of those dear friends and they’re like, “You can quit today. You can take a nap but we might push you. This all happened for a reason. This is going to give God glory as you tell your story.” That sounds so corny to me because I’m like, “I’m not telling my story.” I know God is laughing because I tell my story every chance I get. It’s not for me. It’s for somebody else that may have felt like I did. I want you to know, I know it gets dark.  

Trying to commit suicide is the darkest place a human being could go. I’ve been there. If you get through the next day, the other side, you start to realize from the start that you had a purpose. A lot of times the devil trespasses. He isn’t supposed to be on your dream. He’s not supposed to even look at what God has for you but that’s exactly what he does. He wants to do nothing else but maybe confuse you if you get to the point where you don’t even enjoy your dream because you’re wore out. I did. I had to go to where I realized that I couldn’t do this by myself. It wasn’t the word of God but I needed to see the word of God in people of God. It helped a lot. 

If I may go back, how they kept telling you the lives that you touched. It tears me up when I think about that. How we don’t realize truly the impact that just by being who we are makes. I can’t imagine not ever being able to know you. I’m glad that they were there for you. 

I feel the same way. I told you from day one when I heard you speak, Becky. I’ll say this every time I’m able to. I want you to know that your purpose cannot be stopped. You spoke at a professional women’s organization and you don’t feel any spiritual warmth. You might have a good day. You get some information some takeaways but you opened your mouth and it was like sunshine opened up. It’s joy. It was the warmth of your whole character. I’m like, “She’s funny but she’s positive.“ I like being around positive people.  

I’m like, “I want to get to know her. She’s positive. That’s all I knew. That’s all I felt.” You had me at hello, so here we are. That’s not by accident. I thank God for that. Even though I asked, “Can we meet? Can we do something?“ Your response was like, “Yes.” You were excited too. When we met, it was like our savings were on like popcorn. We’re real friends. People say it takes years. You don’t want to be vetted and invested in. It takes time. Not all the time. I am a witness. That does happen to me a lot. The right people at the right time for the right reason and you’re one of those people. 

Sometimes there’s a kindred soul. There’s a connection. That’s life. 

I wanted to talk about this one question because I had never thought about this until I saw your question. You asked me to be prepared to talk about what types of exercises or activities do you use to help you. I never had that. In ‘74, I tried to commit suicide. In 1984, I had cancer of the uterus and they told me they didn’t get all of it. It went up into my intestines and I had to take radiation. I need to take chemo. I’m like, “In ‘84, I still got children.” I wasn’t taking the radiation and chemo. My doctor asked me, “Ms. Daria, you got to do all of that medicine-wise but you also got to relax. I’ve known you. You had been my gynecologist for years. In your time, what do you do that only you do? There are no sisters, no brothers, no church, no children. What do you do that is just you? Do you play cards, you bowl, you skate, you ski?“ 

Becky, I was 24 and now I’m 35. I had to wreck my brains. It was like, “I don’t do anything.” I started crying profusely because I knew what he was getting to. He had been with me that long. From our medical relationship, he would see things in the paper and hear me on the radio. He realized, “She doesn’t understand, she’s got to relax. It’s okay to do nothing.“ I cried and he let me cry but he knew I got it. I said, “I’ve never been asked that and I’ve never done that. I’ve never in my life did anything that did mean that I had to play a role or be an influencer in it.” From that day, I asked the Lord to show me. I didn’t want to have a hobby or do an exercise that’s going to cost me money or get addicted to it. What should I be doing that’s going to nurture me? I started walking. The first time in 1984 when I got home from the hospital, it took me 30 minutes to walk 10 houses. I had to stop. Stand and time myself. 

I started walking but I didn’t know. I thought I was doing it medically because the doctor said I needed to do something relaxing and I didn’t take the chemo. I didn’t take the radiation but you got to do something so that you can relax and you’re blessed. Nothing’s going to work until you intentionally have a plan of how you’re going to do things differently than what you know already does not work. What are you going to do differently because it doesn’t work and it’s different for everybody? I’m not telling you, you should do this. Ms. Daria will never do that. The work is on you. You have to look and see what is it that you can do that you’ve never done before and it necessarily doesn’t cost you anything. It’s going to take the time that you have to make for yourself because you’ve never done that. That’s hard to do when you’ve never done it. 

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Long story short, I started walking and now I do a 5k walk with my daughter in Cincinnati in the cold. It’s amazing with those baby steps that I took up to this day if I don’t walk, stretch or exercise, I have to have time with me and my God. That is like saying, “Every Monday, Becky and I are going to meet for lunch.” If you don’t come, we’d be doing this for ten years. You can’t stop coming because we look forward to what we’re going to get to take away. Every time you have people or you have a plan or exercise, you know you’re going to that plan because you’re going to get something that’s going to be a takeaway to help you through the day sometimes through the week but you have to figure it out. It can’t be something your friends said that yoga works, swimming works. You try everything but you got to figure it out. Walking was it for me but then I had three daughters. 

Walking was all I could afford. I knew I had to make the time, either they were at school and I’m working so I’m going to do it on my lunch hour. I‘ve carved out time for 15 minutes to get in 30 minutes to an hour of walking. I realized it was different ways to do it. I didn’t have to do it in the morning, at night. When I didn’t do it, I would beat up on myself. I wanted to make touch base on that particular question because I have never been asked that. The light when I went within, it was when my doctor asked me that million-dollar question and I had no answer. I was the oldest of twelve growing up. I always had to be helping, doing, encouraging, mom and dad telling me to be a role model because I got good A’s. Your brothers and sisters are watching you. You got to set the example. Those were the machines, the tapes in my head that always made me do. 

It was hard for me to go ask somebody to help me. I had to learn to ask for help. That was part of another activity. I’d never done that. Not in the way that I needed to but I started asking for help. It was amazing. The help that people were readily waiting to give, there was no judgment. I was thinking, “If she knew this about me or he knew this about me, they wouldn’t help me.” All the stuff we do to try to impress people when our main goal is to please God. When you please God, you’re going to bless people. It’s automatic. It’s how He operates. I realized even in that dark moment of me trying to commit suicide that God had already made a way of escape for everything the enemy put in my path. God had already said, “I got this. Go ahead.” All this is going to be is to make for a stronger testimony. When I say I know how dark you can feel, how hopeless you can feel, know I do. 

What are some things that you do that as you turn within help you connect with the God of your being? 

I journal. Journaling has been the greatest therapy that I could have because of the characters that I become, that I work and that I don’t recognize that woman that’s writing. Had I not journaled, I wouldn’t give myself the credit that I thought I never gave up. I would never know that even when I did it scared, I did it. I got it done. I can’t take credit for that. I’m remembering my dear friend, Molly. She was a nurse. I would call Molly when my husband died. Let me say this too. Had it not been for me trying to commit suicide in ’74 when my husband died in 2007, that was so dark for me. My second husband because God sent him. He was everything. I even used to dream of as a little girl, his height, his hair. The birds and the violins play that for the second time if you walk in your purpose. 

After being with my husband for many years knowing I married him, I was 44. He was 77. That’s another sermon for another Sunday. As you know, folks were not hearing that. I must have married him for his money. He’s an older man. I want a sugar daddy, all the negatives that you could imagine. We came up against all of that, especially in the body of Christ. It was horrible the way they initially treated us but we already knew. We counsel with my pastor, Pastor D.D. Chastain, before we got married. He was so instrumental in letting us know, “People can’t tell you what God wants you to do and who he wants you to do it with, and when.” Things don’t happen for everybody one time. 

He was an influencer in my life. My husband got baptized for the first time at age 77, so that made history in Mount Carmel, at the church I was at. It was the first time both of us did everything because of our situation and our love for each other. Everything was the first time for us. He was a TWA employee, so we could fly anywhere. He would have me meeting for lunch on the weekend, Fridays but then he would minister to me and tell me the things that nobody had ever said. He went within. He found out how to go within a place. To give you an example, this is part of what I did but I didn’t know at the time to ask questions and my memory is going back. That’s not the first time you went within. Your husband pointed out some things about your childhood that you didn’t want to talk about and that you felt you were over because it didn’t happen when you were a child. Think about it. 

 

He knew even though I never talked about it. He knew that there was something that happened. He said, “There’s a little girl inside of you and she tries to be a big girl for a long time because people depend on her.“ As he’s talking, I’m looking at him like, “Who in my family have you been talking to? I don’t even let myself think about this. It’s over, it didn’t happen, I accept what I got and I made sure I didn’t make the same mistakes that my parents did make.“ That was the takeaway I got from them making a mistake. I stopped judging them. He knew and he said, “I hope I live long enough to see you and your mother close because she loves you. She talks about you that you’re her only child who was her first. If nobody has a relationship with her, she wants you.” I realized he had been talking to my mother and she’s probably said things. I’m thinking everything. We’ve grown. It didn’t happen. I’m cordial. We’re not adamant about each other anymore. Let’s leave it at that. It was more. 

First of all, exercising and journaling are some of the tools I had to learn to listen along the way and have conversations of courage with people that had my best interests at heart. That husband that God sent me, he got to the core of the matter. Not just the heart, he got to the core. He asked me questions like, “Did you have any memories of you and your mom, even as an adult, going to get your nails done, going to lunch, going shopping?” I bust out crying again. We had never done that, but it’s okay. I do it with my girls. I’ve become closer to them because I realized mama didn’t know what I’ve learned. People didn’t help her like I’ve had people but it was still that little girl that wanted her mother. I wanted to be close to my mother. I did not know how. She wasn’t close to her mother. 

It was a generational curse. Some of us think that stops us. Whatever is in your family, history has nothing to do with your story unless you bring it forth and put it in where generations don’t even know about it unless you bring that seed and share it. Why share it? You learn from it. Pain is gain. That’s not cliche. You got to use that tool. You got to exercise. You got to be determined. “How do I do this?“ I listen. I journal. I poured out on myself. I wrote it in my journal because I could say how I wanted to say it. I didn’t have to worry about punctuation, grammar, if I curse. I’m a minister. I love the Lord. This is how I feel and now I go back. I got 25, 26 journals. I had no idea. I counted those journals in the pandemic. 

The pandemic was amazing for me once I got over the shot and I had to visit my therapist within six months, three times where I normally only visit my therapist since my husband died two times. I have a therapist. I go to church. I read the word. I preach the word but there are supplemental things that are in the world that benefit anybody. You got to let it work and you’ve got to go get it. You have to admit you need it. You can do it. “You need to do this.” I said, “I’m going to do it because you said I need to do it.” If I don’t feel I need to do it, how is it going to help me? Becky is not the one. She’s trying to give me a tool. I had to realize. I was one of the women. I’m crying. I didn’t keep a diary as a girl. All my girlfriends did. Weak women, they’re too prissy. They felt the distinction of nothing. I was tough. 

My parents didn’t know that but telling me from the time I could understand English that I’m the oldest that I have to set an example and I have to be a role model, it followed me and that tape kept rewinding in every situation I found myself in. My husband also told me about that. He said, “A lot of times you end up leading something based on people using you and you play right into their hand.” I’m looking at him sideways now. “I don’t let nobody use me because I can see it coming. I’m smart.“ Girl, I’m telling you. I get excited. We went everywhere together. He watched me and he knew me before he married me. He saw me in the community and he loved it but he realized when he married me, he said, “You burn the candle at both ends. You’d do a lot of great work but you don’t enjoy any of it. You’re too tired. You give your all and other people don’t reciprocate.” 

I said, “What are you talking about? I’m in these things because it helps me and I’m justifying. Give me an exam.“ He said, “Anytime. We have been married about five years.” Everything happened at the five-year point. I dropped. I realized. I stopped. I admitted. It was at that five-year point. He gave it all to me. He let me have it. He said, “Let me share with this,” anytime whether you’re at church, whether you’re in a meeting, in the community, somebody has raised their hand and say, “We need somebody to take the minutes or to lead this fundraiser until Ms. so-and-so or Mr. so-and-so gets out of the hospital. They’ll probably be there next month. There’ll be all right.” I’ll do it, but I’m thinking, Becky, I’m only going to do it for that month because they‘re coming back. He said, “You’re in that position five years now.” 

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He gave me another example. He gave me six examples. As he’s talking back, he’s not lying at all. He was there. I never saw it from his perspective. As of this fifth year, he said, “I need more time. I’m not going to share you anymore with your meetings, with your work. When I had my time with you, I need you to be my wife 100%.“ I didn’t know I wasn’t. He gave me examples. We went shopping. We watched a movie. We went to so and so. We were in Chicago. We were in Detroit. You met somebody that knew you and you stopped eating with me. We were talking about work.  

He said, “I’m going to start being polite. I’ll start keeping your business cards. When people come up, so you know, I’m going to tell them, she’ll be in the office Monday through Friday.” He made me stop talking about work on the weekend. It made me realize how to relax. I never relaxed. He prayed. He said, “I pray that I won’t be a burden on you. I pray that I will be your husband and never your patient. God, let me live to be healthy and be her husband, provide and protect her.” That’s exactly what happened. He never got sick. He got sick July the 1st and died August the 8th. That in itself is another book, that 41-day journey. 

I’m saying to the people reading, there are various things you can do. It’s got to be something that you want to deal with because if not, that’s something that will deal with you for the rest of your life. If you don’t get to it in time, it becomes a core. The core has a callus over it. I’m not saying miracles can‘t happen. The light bulb can come on but it took me a while. I talked to my daughters after my husband died and that’s another thing. People said, “You can’t be friends, best friends with your children.” They’ve always said that you cannot. They won’t respect you. You’re not here to win a popularity contest. My girls would tell you I was strict. I did not play. Do you want a yes out of me? It’s easy. It’s simple. You’re supposed to do. I followed through on that. I don’t have to holler up yell even though I did. 

My girls and I are so close. It is amazing. After my husband died and they saw my brokenness, for 2 years they never said anything even at family gatherings, picnics, birthdays, New Year’s Eve. Every year that’s going to come and nobody mentioned anything. I started going to therapy right after my husband died. I know I needed it and it was free. I learned had I not went to therapy that sometimes people won’t mention a loved one that’s gone on because they’re waiting for you to open the door to give them permission to mention. I’m not mentioning it. It’s scaring them. They’re saying the same thing I was saying. “Mama never talks about Daddy Todd, even on his birthday. She puts something in the paper but she doesn’t even talk about it. What do we do?“ I’m not talking about him if she doesn’t talk about him. Had I not gone to therapy, I wouldn’t know they’re waiting for me. 

It was the year 2011. It was my 60th birthday. Every year, we have our annual checkup. I meet with my daughters either at the end of the year or the beginning. None of us take baggage into a new year. I do it for other women. I’m doing it in groups that I work with and minister too. I got to do it for my women. These are my women. Every year we have this meeting. I know my 60th birthday is on. It’s barking. “I’m telling you, don’t have me no party.“ I was fussing because he’s not here. I don’t want to laugh. It’s hard for me to celebrate. I’m going on and on, 2007 to 2011, these three women in my life, that baby girl spearheaded. We’re going to have to get in trouble. 

I might not speak to us for the best of life but they wanted to risk it. What they did, they invited the whole community to a place that hadn’t even open downtown called Delish. They had three photographers to catch every expression to show me later. My youngest daughter did a total makeover and I’m fussing the whole time. I’m going out with my girlfriend Julia. I didn’t know I was going to this party. I thought I was going to an art gallery and we were going to have dinner. That party is six decades of Daria’s celebration of her life. It was a surprise. Even my doctor and pastor were there and I‘m like, “People from out of town that they never knew, how did you all do this?” 

For a year, every time you send an email talking about job openings, opportunities, tickets for my scholarships, my youngest daughter would delete my name and sent another email saying, “Please, excuse me. If you are more than a coworker or colleague of my mom, we‘re having a surprise party in 2011.” Some of them were colleagues and they were not interested but there were a lot of colleagues. That day when I walked in, I almost fainted. I saw somebody with Epsom salts and somebody was holding me. I told them not to do it but it was the best thing. It was a cliffhanger. This Daria you see, that night, I didn’t know I could still laugh. I didn’t know this sunshine, this fight that’s vulnerable and that tough guy. I didn’t know that it took a party. I told you. They did pour onto me. My daughter had explained what was going on and they’re like, “I want to be a part of that because I want her to go on.” Go on with not existing but continuing to do. It was amazing. 

Dean Lovelace, I will never forget when he spoke. He said, “You don’t realize that you’re Dayton’s darling.” Chandelle, one of my spiritual daughters said, “No, she’s the governor of the community. She’s real because she’ll tell you and she will give you a scripture, but she will also check you when you got something that’s too hot and you know you aren’t supposed to be doing something and she sees you doing it, but she does it in love.“ My daughters got up and said what they had to say about me. My youngest granddaughter was eight years old. She said, “I‘m going to stick with you, so I’ll make sure you don’t cry while you‘re here because you’d cry all the time, Doota.” They call me Doota. My oldest grandchild gave me that name. 

It might take an event. It might take music or song you heard, but just be open. When you‘re searching for freedom from yourself, when you’re going within, to me it was more work than somebody else, even a therapist trying to help me, a pastor trying to guide me. At the end of the day, it’s up to me. Am I receiving what’s being poured into me? I have to open that door, that heart, that mindset and go, “Fill me up. Help me get to the next level in my life,” knowing that you always need each other along the way. You never get to a point where you know what I’ve arrived. You don’t have to do that anymore. I don’t cry anymore at 60, 65, 66 than I probably did at 6 because I had them days. It is okay. 

 

I think people need to go within themselves and realize if nothing else, it’s okay. It’s okay to say, “It took me this long to get it but I got it.“ You bounce back from something that used to weigh you down. Now you can come again in your life but you see it for what it is. I can’t stop what’s going on, some things we can’t control but I sure can stop how I deal with that. We are in charge of that. I hope I answered your question without going all over the place because I get excited. You’re making me think. It’s a fresh anointing. God is like, “You never said this. She never shared this.“ I said, “My memory wasn’t pricked. Becky is good.” 

It struck me when you were talking about your mother, yourself, your daughters and your grandchildren. I can’t help but think about what you’ve accomplished in the ancestral healing. There’s a wonderful song called In the Land of I Am by Rickie Byars and Michael Beckwith. It’s a beautiful song about how the pain of our ancestors can bring forth and bring healing to that so that it doesn’t have to continue on. That we don’t have to as we step into it and experience doesn’t mean we have to continue to own it, that we can shift. As a result, what you’ve given your daughters and what they’re able to give their children and how that will continue to pass on. What a beautiful gift. 

That’s my success and that’s what has fueled me. In spite of what I went through, what I did was I took those ashes. The word told me to take those ashes and turn them into beauty but I didn’t know how to do that by myself. Along the way, I asked for it. I waited on it. I listened for it. I cried for it. I pushed forward. I stopped for it. My mom and my step-mom also raised me and even my grandma, what they went through and how they were taught to rear children. My grandmother was part of slavery. Her mother was a slave. She was a slave girl. The stories had she not told me, you bring up a valid point that we have to look within and tell about the past history of generations, of things you see in your family that you want to address or you‘re scared to address because you know this is not the first time this happened.  

When I look back my grandmother sit down and told me the history of big mama. That’s what she called her mom. She was my grandmother. She was able to see my grandchildren, her great-grandchildren before God called her home in ‘84. I realized I got to stop these keeping secrets. I got to share some things. I see mental illness is rampid, drug addiction, alcoholism, entrepreneur and also preaching. I didn’t look and see the bad things. I saw good things too but nobody talked about that. What they would talk about, all I remember was I used to do this and now he‘s preaching. Why don’t we do that? I said, “I’m going to tell the story.” 

My mom had been in and out of mental hospitals. That was the wedge between us. Here I am a daughter taking care of a mother that I felt abandoned me. God would have allowed this to come because I couldn’t leave her where I saw where she was. She’s my mother. Out of obligation for years, I took care of my mother. She’s 86 now. I love her. She’s the best example of fight, faith and foxiness. She is amazing but I didn’t see that and she didn’t see me. She tried to stop the generational curse but nobody wanted to talk about it. On her own, she tried. I got the message. I watched her. I watched my stepmother. I watched my grandmother. I heard the stories about my great-grandmother. I lived to see the great grandmother on my maternal side and I ended up taking care of her. 

That ancestral wisdom, I got the first tape. My great-grandmother on my mother’s side became a great, great grandmother. My first daughter, Kesha in 1970 made her a great, great grandmother. She told me stories. They had no idea of how to do things. Those things they learned, they passed on based on what they knew. People can’t give what they don’t have but it doesn’t mean I can’t love or what you didn’t give me. I made up my mind. I said, “When we have these check-ins, I need to start off first by letting them know. I realize over the years, you’ve seen how things are with this relative. I want you to know that’s not your story. That’s not something that we hang a shingle on as a family and say this is part of what we do. If you’re going to hang a shingle, if you’re going to put out a sign, then also talk about the good things in your family that has taken place and don’t always interject something.” 

He’s a professor now but he played on his wife back in the day. When you do the but, you take away what you already gave. You gave it to me then you took it back. They knew firsthand, whatever they do, you feel ashamed of it right now, but the key is, what did you learn? That night, I knew my girls and I were close. Don’t get me wrong. In 2011, that birthday party, it was like a pilot was out. I thought it was on but somebody had lit the pilot in a long time. 

I’ve been running. I used to say I’m walking for Jesus. Now I’m running at my right age of almost 70. People always say, “Daria, you‘re aging backward because God has a sense of humor.“ He didn’t give me the dreams of sharing ministries, which came out of me crying and being depressed for my husband’s death. He gave me that saying, “Talk about your grief. Let the world know.“ I didn’t want to do it. I finally was obedient. Several years later, celebrating in a celebration in 2020 during a pandemic that was successful and then planning part two, all of that work. It was intertwined in the journey and He knew the stops I would make. He also knew some of the places I would stay. I had to get back what He initially gave me. He had shown me that through people. If you’re not watching and you’re not open enough, sometimes your answer will come through somebody you never thought would have anything to help you with. 

My answer was in knowing that I was still a little girl. Who wants to admit that when the world is telling you, “You got to be tough, you got to be strong. If you’re doing this long as a preacher, you should know. You’re not a strong Christian if you don’t do this and you don’t do that?” We’re always trying to buy somebody’s roadmaps. Somebody’s got rules, policies and procedures. We are a world of that. The pandemic turned all that noise out for me though. It did. That pandemic helped me tremendously. You have yet to see as have not seen, ears have not heard as the Bible says what God has in store for all of us. Right where you are, there is something. You’re pregnant with purpose. We all are. None of us have to do it the same way. We don’t have to be of the same skin color. We don’t have to be the same age. We don’t have to know the same thing academically. It’s all about, “Are you wanting to be a part of the solution in your life first, and then be a part of the solution in the community, than the world that we live in? You got to start from looking within and seeing some of the ugly stuff.” 

I’m telling you, the stuff that you wouldn’t want, nobody to know but you’ve got to find a way to heal you. You don’t want anybody to know. To me, this is healing. Every time I tell my story, every time I tell a segment of my life, a piece of my journey to Jesus, affirms that God said, “I knew I could depend on you to be a good PR person from me. I allow it all those to happen.” It was a setup. He does that. He said, “I knew it. Go ahead. We got it.” Somebody else needs to know your story so that they’ll know that this doesn’t happen just to some. It happens to all of us unless we’re exceptions. There are people who say they’ve never struggled, never had it hard. You can probably teach some of us but then again, you can’t because experience brings about wisdom. You can have intellect and knowledge but if the experience is not grounded in that, it’s intellect and knowledge. It’s wisdom. 

When you can say, “I can give you this. I can give you that diaphragm, the paragraph. I can give you the skeleton of it but let me put some meat on the bones.“ This is what happened that I know this works. I didn’t realize even when I worked at the organization for the first time being a program manager over a charitable foundation and helping parents all over the world, especially Dayton and Montgomery County know that they are the primary educators of their children and know that they can get jobs. They can do better, their scholarship, knowing all that, going all over the world, talking to other parent groups and helping them organize because they say, “Ms. Daria, we didn’t know you used to be on welfare,” because I don’t look like what I used to go through. If somebody looks at us and goes, “She wouldn’t understand if I told her what I’ve been through.“ They don’t tell it, especially women. 

Men do it too but I find men to be way more honest than women. They say, “I don’t know what you got that suit on for. Why did you put that on? You don’t look like nothing.” They’re honest. “That person was using you. I don’t know why you didn’t see it. They don’t wait years to tell you.” I was like that but I realized that it was me saying and giving some background that this works because I had along with my children, that welfare had nothing to do with me wanting them to have the best. When I couldn’t do it, I had to expose them to things outside my purview and opportunities every time I could and push them forward.  

They didn’t like it. I volunteered them for everything. Did I move? I did. They don’t. They said, “I had a little conversation. I can’t wait until I’m grown and get out of here.“ I did the same thing but then when they got out of school and realized when they did their resumes, they got jobs and they looked at the people, the employees, employers rather would look and go, “You’re well-rounded. You volunteered and maintain a GPA like this?” They came back, which they all three do. “Thank you, mama. I didn’t understand what you mean but thank you.“ 

That’s what I learned to do with my mother and my grandmother, watching them from little girls when I would tell them. My mother told me, I was telling her about this. One day I said, “Mama, my girls always come back no matter how they fight with me on the issue and say thank you.“ She said, “That’s what you do too.” She started giving me things that I didn’t remember that she brought them up. Anytime you lashed out at me for being out of your life, you would come back and go, “Mama, I’m sorry. I’m divorced now. I see how you felt. I didn’t know it was like this. I had no idea. I talked about you, mama.” She didn’t have to forgive me. She said, “I forgave you soon as you said it. I forgave you before you apologize.“ Learning that from her something I never saw, I am so much like that wonderful woman.  

That’s the core of my husband. He said, “You don’t want to admit it but you like.” My daddy used to say that. I didn’t see it. I’m not weak but I am. It’s okay to be weak but what are your strengths? Find your strength. That’s the takeaway. Strength is within. It’s a lot of work and you have to do it. It never stops. It’s a process of going to the next level based on what your life experiences are. I want us to be free from ourselves. I want to end this show is designed not to expose and help people in their ministry or in their business, we’ve got to support. If nothing else, you’ve got to be helped as an individual whatever you do when you do it better because you’re free from some of the jails some of the chains you had on yourself that nobody else could see. Stuff within normally doesn’t come out unless you bring it out. The ball is always in your court when it relates to, “Do you want freedom or do you want to be free as the word tells us?” I am becoming free indeed and that is a whole another level of going within and it is worth it. 

I am so grateful for your sharing you, your story, your energy, your love, your passion. I am very grateful for you in my life and for the opportunity for people to get to know your story, to get to know you. Is there any last thing that you want to share as we conclude? 

As we conclude, if people would ever want to know how to reach me, I’m sure you have that contact information. I’m not a person that would do something like this and not make myself available to whoever might need to shoot me a text, shoot me an email or look me up on Facebook. I want to be accessible. I want you to visit my website if you feel led to do so. That’s SharingMinistriesInternational.com. If you ever want to contact me, my email is [email protected]. Once you email me, you can look me up on Facebook, Sharing Ministries Facebook page. Whatever I can do, I travel, I speak, whenever I can. I know the pandemic is going on but there are things we could even do better in this season of our world. There are things we can still do and do better. 

 

I would love the opportunity to talk and work with you if we share a mutual agreement on anything in anything. Most of all, I want you to know that now is the first day of the rest of your life and because I care, I share that as one of my mottos. This is not to help me all the time. It’s to help you, to get to know who you are and what you can do. You can do it even if you‘re afraid to do it but it’s something burning. It won’t let you stop. You can press on and we can press on together. I want always to be an asset. Sometimes we need to have freedom. I want to plan a girl’s trip. It’s no agendas, no workshops. It’s like, “What we’re going to do?” 

Sometimes we don’t have to have an agenda. We don’t have to have a plan but you do have to work within and do the work. Sharing Ministry started out of grief but Sharing Ministries is now celebrating going into several years. I am so glad that Becky has supported me from day one and we are up. You’ll see the mission statement. We are built on faith and integrity in what we do. We want to help women from all walks of life to develop character, courage and clarity about who they are. We offer business connections, educational resources, moral and spiritual support. We’re here for you. I thank you again, Rebecca, for this opportunity. It has been wonderful. I look forward to working with you in the future as we continue to build God’s kingdom here on earth. 

Thank you, my friend. Me too. It will be fun.  

One thing I didn’t mention is that there are the three books that Becky mentioned. You can purchase those three books on the website. Let me know that you heard this through Becky’s show. The first three people that let me know, I am going to send you a book for free but you got to tell other people about this show. You got to read. You got to call in. Tell me the name of the person and give their email, at least two people. This is a challenge. You got to tell two people about this show. “I heard this show with Ms. Daria.” I can’t do 30, the first three people. I will give you a book for free, autographed. I’ll send it to you. You don’t have to pay for shipping and handling because you told two other people. You can tell more if you want to but let’s get the word out about this particular platform that is not just helping me and Becky but it’s going to help all of us in the future.  

Thank you, Daria. For those of you reading, I want to thank you for joining us. Thank you for lending your energy, your presence to the messages that were shared. We hope that they serve you as you step out to create the life that is in honor of who you are. Know that you’re celebrated. In celebrating, we simply say, “Here is to your life. Make it a good one.” 

 

Important links:

• http://Sharing-Ministries.com/ 
• https://www.Facebook.com/Daria.StoneTheServantSM 
• https://www.Linkedin.com/in/Daria-Dillard-Stone-9aa2056/ 
• https://Twitter.com/TheServantSM 
• https://www.Instagram.com/TheServant2/?hl=en 
• SUCCESS Powered by Relationships 
• The 40/40 Rules – Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40 Vol. II 
• The CEO Playbook 1.0, The #1 Playbook To Transform Your Business Into An Empire and An Entrepreneur Into A CEO 
• [email protected] 
• Sharing Ministries – Facebook group 

About Daria Dillard Stone